Focus E, focus.
This is sequel to my previous post.
Yesterday, after working hard at a project I envisioned in my head and already tagged perfect, I realized that I was starting to give up, because it didn’t come out as I hoped.
Now, if this was the second or third time that this was happening, I wouldn’t have been freaked out or alarmed, but this was the umpteenth time.
One or two words of motivation weren’t going to fix it. Ekab, pick up that thing and keep pushing wasn’t going to even scratch the surface. So what was going to? Would this be my reality forever?
I thought not, so I grabbed my phone and googled “why do I give up on things easily”.
As usual, a truckload of results came up.
Unrealistic results ❌
A learned behavior from your parents❌
Prioritizing outcome over skill ❌
Laziness❌
So what exactly was going on with me, in my head? I was determined to find out, but in the meantime, I “gave up” on the google search. Pretty ironic, right ?
Earlier this morning after my personal devotion, I went on a searching spree on a disorder called “ADHD”, and I found my answer.
I mean, it was pretty bold of me to have just label myself with such, but after about two tests and a sudden remembrance of all the times I believed in my mind that I had ADHD, but never really dug digger for one reason or another, this was quite a relieve.
So to summarize what ADHD/ADD is all about: it is a disorder that is characterized by in-depth forgetfulness, impulsiveness , hypersensitivity and lack of attention.
Last year, I partook in a 3/4 months training, and at a point, I had to call my dad to find out the things he thought I should I work on in my life. One of the things he mentioned that has really stuck with me till this day was: “You give up too easily”.
It was the truth, plain and simple. I was and am good at a lot of things but giving up was almost a mantra for me. I thought motivational speeches would fix it but no, it didn’t and it wouldn’t, and while self development books have helped me in many areas of my life, this particular area has still pretty remained the same.
I’ve accepted that the fact that I forget things almost immediately I say them isn’t because I’m trying to run away from issues, it just is what it is. Most times beyond my control.
ADHD is something that has been lingering and lurking in the shadows of my mind for years and I just couldn’t understand, because I was/am conditioned to do the things “normal” people do: KEEP TRYING!
Embracing ADHD is a huge thing for me, it’s something that I believe would change the way I approach life. It is who I am, and I believe I should let people know that it’s okay to be hypersensitive to noise, forget where they dropped their keys just a second ago, be impulsive about a lot of things , get bored after a short period of time, and lose themselves in the moment instead of focusing on what is in front of them.
One of my proudest moments this year was when my boss called to commend me for my “consistency” at work, which was unexpected, but amazing. The irony.
It’s difficult but manageable.
I’d love to write more about ADHD, because it’s my reality now. Maybe make zines, newsletters and blogposts to enlighten more people about this condition.
One thing I’d ask though is, to not stigmatize or label ADHD sufferers as abnormal. We are normal, just different.
If you think you might be an ADHD sufferer, feel free to read about it online, and I’d definitely communicate to you when I have resources set up to contribute in the way I can.
Love, E.
Till next time, don’t forget where you dropped your keys.
