THE TALE OF LIFE EXPECTATIONS with EKAB
I’ll really love to go back to my non-existent past where I had the liberty to wipe my mind of things I didn’t want to think about, ignore things that I didn’t want to bother me, and not let my mistakes bug me all day long.
** phone buzz**
Duhh, that time never existed, because I’m so human I get to feel things so deeply that my mind has devised the means a means to avoid them.
And unlike many other people, I have accepted that I’m broken. I’ve accepted it with my full chest. I’ve also accepted the fact that although I know when and what really broke me, it’s hard for me to hate what led to it without ripping my heart out.
Accepting I’m human, and I should give myself credit for coming this far is something I’m working on.
On the brighter side, I’ll say that I’ve found myself making better decisions, while making really horrible ones in the quest to “live my life and not regret things “. It’s funny.
Grappling with self-love is something I believe I’ve improved in. Choosing to allow only the things, people and situations I know my heart can handle. It’s a process, but yeah I’m getting there.
Thinking deeply about things, articulating my feelings, how things said to me made me feel, and allowing my thoughts translate how I feel and not beating myself up for feeling that way.
I’ll totally and completely like to get this phase going with less reliance on Ntun, my lovely baby girl who by the way has been a huge part of my journey.
I’ll love to be able to completely trust myself and my emotions when they make decisions based on what would be best for me.
I’ll love to breathe, and not try to count to 50 before I open a text message I’m whose contents I’m not so sure of.
I’ll like not to be so anxious about things. I’ll like to vibe with strangers, who just want to enjoy my company without ulterior movies.
I’ll like to.. LOVE unhinged. Be free, be wild, find my person, not judge myself so much .
I’ll love to meet someone that doesn’t make me anxious. Someone that gets it. Someone that is willing to take it in and take it slow.
I’ll love to live, not just exist.
Life Expectations; whew .
I’m hopeful, very hopeful. ✨
Till then, I’ll keep existing on my way to living.
And you, keep doing what you do best.
Love always E, 💕
