Photo credit: Me; from the day at the beach with Cal.
Before 2018, I had always been so age-conscious. I mean I’m still a little age conscious in a way, but not up to quarter of how I was in 2018. Prior to the time I met Cal, It would take a while before I talk about the subject of age with people.
It was so bad that most people I dated in the past, I never really got to know how old they were, until I was knee deep in the relationship or situation-ship.
So when I asked Calvin about his age, my inner mind hoped that he was at least older even if it was by a day. When he told me, and I found out he was older by months, I could have almost danced my legs off, if we weren’t held up in traffic. Just maybe.
So how did I meet Cal? I met him through a family friend actually. I had just come out of a bitter-sweet relationship, and I just needed some air. My family friend, Ju, realized I was single, and set on a quest to hook me up with his friend.
I tried to squeeze out all the information I could from Ju, but all I got was what I got. I had to wait, something I didn’t want to do , but had to. I finally persuaded him to send me pictures of this his “mystery friend”. He sent a video . Mmmm.
Cute. I’d say in my mind after watching the Video time and time again, trying to ascertain. how cute he was or if he accidentally spoke so I’d have an idea of how he sounded. None. I still had to wait for him to text me, which he finally did. It had begun . Drumroll
There were a lot of things to be grateful for about Cal. He was an interesting person, truly deep and intelligent. Asides the fact that he was tall (check), cute (check check), and he had a mixed accent (Canadian and British accent)(CHECK), my mind was at peace whenever I spoke to him or when we chatted.
Our first date was at the beach. I’ve always loved water, and although my mum has everything against the beach, It has always remained one of my favorite places. So when he asked for where the date should be, we settled for the beach.
Ju, kept tabs on how things were going . Cal liked me, in whatever way it was. He told me he found me Intriguing. OMG. I was going to flip. I was also beginning to like Cal, and we chatted every other time I was less busy or he had time to spare. The conversation ran day in, day out.
The first date was slightly awkward, because his dad’s driver came along, and we had to sit at the back like “spoilt rich kids”. I didn’t mind, Cal apologized and ensured I was comfortable. Monopoly on a hot Saturday afternoon at the beach never felt better. Although we eventually had to move to another place to shield ourselves from the sun.
I was super conscious about my micro mini beach dress, and he was interested in my dreadlocks. He asked a couple of questions about it, as we watched the waves and other people on the beach. I answered his questions, intrigued at how interested he was in matters such as “hair”.
Our second date was at a park close to my house. From what he said, he actually enjoyed spending time at the park. With me of course.
Prior to arriving at the park, we went food shopping at the mall, and on our way back I joked about not being old enough to die as he drove. In no time, we devoured the food and he teased me about something I can’t remember now.
The most interesting thing was about how for the first time in a long time, I talked to someone about my deep feelings about friendships, my favorite book, and other things in my life. No judgements or feeling of tiredness or boredom. He listened, not because he didn’t want me to feel bad or he just wanted to reply, but because he really wanted to. I could sense it.
He understood. He told me his deep feelings too. Soon after, while we sat under a palm tree, on a wooden bench, very close to an art gallery, he took pictures of me “unknown to me” because of the angle. It was the damn good angle like he said, and he was right. Still love those pictures till date.
As time went by, he’d ask me questions like “are you content?” , and I’d reply . He talk to me about bitcoins and I’d ask him to explain, not because I just wanted him to feel good, but because when he talked about it, it made me want to know more.
I’d talk to him about art, creativity and quilting. He’d ask me questions, he challenged me to be a better person. Even when he complained about his job, at which he worked long hours, he never allowed it to affect our closeness .
We talked about traveling , the lost cities of Atlantis, we talked about a whole lot of things that people wouldn’t even touch on. He was weird in my weird kind of way .
Our final date was on a Friday night. At a cold stone/dominoes about five minutes away from my house. It was about past nine.
He was just getting back from work, but made me a promise that he wanted me to have Churros with vanilla dips. So I obliged and came out. Convincing my dad wasn’t hard, although I left my mum in the dark about my night business that day.
The churros was everything. He hadn’t exaggerated a thing about it. There wasn’t much spectacular about that day. It was really just Cal & I, in a pizza shop laughing and gisting over a box of pizza , Soda and churros .
We soon stopped talking, after he misinterpreted something I said. No apology was setting things straight. He left my messages unread for hours . All of a sudden he became so busy, he couldn’t even pick up his phone. I honestly didn’t mean any harm, and I apologized genuinely. Finally push came to shove, and I eventually decided to let him go, as did he.
A few weeks later he called me to find out how I was. He filled me in on his life. Expressed himself about things that had happened. No he wasn’t upset, he had missed me. Was I meant to be happy ? I related with him normally, and he sounded even happier than usual.
We began talking again, but not like before. Even when he brought up topics we use to talk about before, it wasn’t the same. Something had left us.
A while after came an apology, about his behavior. How sorry he was, something about me being a good person and he wasn’t right for me at that time. Followed by how he couldn’t let things keep going on, expecting me to understand.
Little did he know that I had understood a long time ago. When all of a sudden he became so busy. I understood it pretty well, and it was okay. I had nothing against him.
I believe we both needed that breath of fresh air. Someone we could be completely honest and free with. Someone who cared to listen because they wanted to, not because it had become a chore or they had to.
It was a very amazing time of my life, those kind of times that happen to teach you something about life. That’s how I’ve come to understand that people come into our lives for different reasons. Cal came into my life because I needed him at that point, but that was all it was going to be and I’ve made my peace with it .