This post is a raw uncut version of a mini rawness session I had with myself, I loved it, and I think they’ll be more like this.
Over the past 2–3 years, as I grappled with understanding myself, and getting reintroduced to me, Ekab Takon, I went through a thorough look through.
And although I won’t say I’m done finding and understanding myself, I’ll say that to an extent I can defend myself to myself.
A lot happened when I started that process; first I went on a very low cut, to be honest, I really just wanted to allow myself some breathing space, and time to heal from all the pain I had experience in 2018.
I guess it worked, because it’s 2021, my hair is all done, and I feel like a 5.0 version of me.
Yesterday, on my way to work, I came across a video by Jay Shetty, one that really resonated deeply with me, and stuck with me ever since.
In the video, he spoke about compatibility and chemistry, but what really struck me about the video was how he explained that our partners can’t be everything we want them to be to us.
That stuck with me because, since 2018, I had been on a quest to find out my involvement in the end of my last relationship, and BOOM, out of no where, Jay Shetty dragged me like small gen.
Even though this happened yesterday, and I may need some more time to process things and know if the extra calmness I feel is from knowing how I was involved in ruining that relationship, despite my ex’s assurance to me, exonerating me from any feelings of guilt is legit, I love the feeling I have these days.
Something else I learnt about myself is that coupled with the fact that I have ADHD, I’m hypersensitive. The things that may seem normal the people, seem pretty heightened for me.
To me, it’s like a disorder, something I have come to terms with. Of course it’s hard trying to find a balance between trying not to over-interpret things, and trying not to suppress my sensitivity, and given that I have ADHD, it’s a super struggle. One I’ve started to wear as a garment.
All-in-all, I’ve learnt to appreciate myself better, and to also appreciate the people around me that try to understand things my way.
My friend turned sister Ntun, helps me articulate my feelings, and celebrates my wins with me.
My other friend Deborah, over the years has taken her time to love me into believing in friendships again.
My friend ‘Mide over about a year, always allows me be me, walked me through issues I faced and offered solutions half the time.
My friend Som Yom, who loved me even when I wasn’t sure of who I really was, and always lavishing me with affirmative truths.
My friend Ufuoma, was a rock I could lean on, cheering me on, and never judging me.
My friend Ahmed, took his time to know me indepthly, and ensured that for all the time we were in communication, I understood what an amazing woman I am.
My sister, my blood, my rock, always and forever my die-hard fan. Never gets tired of talking me into standing up everytime I lost my footing, showering with all the positivity I need to keep moving.
And God. He. Him. ❤️.
I recently found my poem book, the one that contains all the sadness and rawness I felt in 2018. While I had decided not write or post anything(poetry/prose) bitter or sad, I concluded within myself that I have to publish it as book, a testament of my growth, and because it defines me in my raw state.
The actual.way I finally got to how I am, and who I am now. The words that paved a way for me to allow myself explore me.
I, Ekab Takon has Become ❤️.
Love always 💕
Till next time,